I am opening this with the intention of sorting through these weird things going on in my brain.. I think they're called "emotions" and I don't like them at all! I am categorically the most non-emotional human on the planet (I've taken every test you can take) so when these pop up I have to put them somewhere!
Since our baby is due in less than 2 weeks and life will undoubtedly be a little less 'restful' than normal, I wanted to remember today. I wanted to remember these feelings I am feeling right now, as our life is now, before everything changes - again.
I have been a full-on boy mom for almost 7 years. I have to say, when I found out we were having Mason back in 2011 I was shocked. What in the world? That was not my plan. My own brother is 9 years older than me so, essentially, I never saw my mom "parent" a boy. Everything since then has been a blur of the loudest, funniest, most challenging days of my life. And I have loved it a thousand times more than my wildest dreams. I have a stack of books about Strong-Willed children and truly didn't think I'd get through my first's toddler years. He has the will of a military sargeant. All the while, my best friends were raising flowery and compliant girls and I thought I was severely underqualified, but I held on. My second son was more of a shock than the first, and that is an understatement. I had hoped for, prayed for and just longed for a girl so badly, I didn't know what in the world I would even do with two boys. But, again, in the wisdom of God, he's the second best thing that has ever happened to this family. Hilarious, carefree, sweet, and completely nuts. Everyone who meets Jude is better because of it. He's the most joy-filled person I have ever met. He's also a "runner" and he knows at 9 months pregnant I can no longer catch him to discipline him, and he loves that. Whatever, I love it too. He makes me laugh.
But now, a girl. And all of the sudden its all backwards. What will I do with a girl? I have 50 bows, all the pink, a beautiful relationship with my mom, mother in law, sister, sisters in law and 7 nieces -- but to have my own? I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried. Around here in our house we're used to independence, tough love, and bruises and boo-boo's being "awesome" -- how will we all cope with a little girl under our roof?
My guess is, the same way we've always done it before. Oh, baby girl, we have prayed for you! And we have wanted you for as long as we can remember. Your mama isn't the best at everything, not even close. Your room is really cute and your brothers are so excited to meet you. The thing that makes me most excited is that you get your daddy as YOUR daddy! My goodness, you will love him. It will be loud, and we will have fun. We will go all over the world and we'll teach you about Jesus.
I'd say we hope you come quickly, but just take your time. We're all good over here! See you soon.